you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
