this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize