Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
