you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
