normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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