My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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