woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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