I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
