oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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