and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize