Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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