so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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