you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize