I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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