no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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