Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
