ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
