Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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