is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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