I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
