So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
