Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize