Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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