I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
