True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
