Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
