Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
