The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
send nudes
from the living room?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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