I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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