Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
