I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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