Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
