I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
