It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
