he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
