You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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