i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
