My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
