fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
