i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize