$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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