They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
