So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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