i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
