What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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