Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hippo gnu deer
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
