It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think my fart just growled at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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