where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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