I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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