remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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