I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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