Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
