Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize