I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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