That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
