Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
