he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
