Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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