Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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