i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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