i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
