1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
