but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
