i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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