literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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