Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
