do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
