Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
