matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
