I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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